Cuz they were super worried about it at the hospital. First there was the doctor...or doctor's assistant, or whatever she was, the woman administering the drinking tests...and can I just say they were real concerned about my last period, they always are. Then there are the pregnant questions. And birth control. Really, are all these questions necessary or even relevant? I bumped my HEAD!
3 weeks. No. No. In that order. Then she leans in real close, bats her eyelashes over her beautiful rimmed glasses, and whispers, "Can you give me a good reason?" Excuse me? Are you flirting with me? Because I can honestly say, I'm a little rusty. Get it? Rusty? Ha! That's off the CHAIN YO! Raahaha
She was not. Flirting, that is. I mean mine's been on a year long sabbatical, but it came back with a vengeance BAM!(like riding a bike)...all it took was a bonk on the head; an enormous clunk on the noggin. I damn near bit my tongue off; okay, really I just shaved off a sliver of half a taste bud, but then I came to and asked someone to kiss it. My tongue! To make it better. They sent me to the ER.
Where they asked me about my sex life. I said, a good reason I'm not on birth control? She said, pregnant, how do you know you're not pregnant because they are going to demand a concrete answer...I mean you're the doctor, but isn't the bleeding from the uterine wall a sign? How about I'M NOT SEXUALLY ACTIVE?? Is that a good enough reason for you? Apparently it was.
Then they sit me down with a list of signs and symptoms. Do you live alone? There we go again! Are you trying to depress me or is this just a side effect? YES, I live alone. Well, could someone check on you? Watch you? Make sure you are still breathing? I thought, Parker will definitely be calling you in the morning to let you know someone needs to feed her if I have not, but I just cleared the CAT test and didn't want to bring that up again.
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