Friday, October 26, 2012

This Socks

I'm not naive and I don't live under a rock. I've heard of this very thing happening. Here and there. Sometimes on Tuesday. I know it happens. But it's never happened to ME.

You might argue that's it's because of the way I live my life. You might be right. Who I sleep with. Where I hang my hat. Who are we kidding, if you really knew me you'd know I sleep IN my hat. No way I'm losing THAT.

Socks is another beast. Or maybe a small sacrificial lamb. And somewhere in my abode is a nasty, ravenous Sock Monster who eats Sock Guy for snacks. Not only that, it follows me. From City to Country. Country to City.

My dwindling sock supply is not locationally challenged. This has never been a problem for me. I've never sacrificed a sock before. I've seen it on teevee. I've heard the old wives tales. But never once have I permanently lost my fuzzy foot covers.
Until now. Now it's a good day when the dryer spits out TWO perfectly matched SmartWools. It's like winning the lottery. Kenmore Keno. And Luck is not my Lady tonight.
In the country there is a cat. Maybe two I'm not sure. But they carry these things around like a two year old's teddy. But I collect and congregate them. And engage in round of the childhood game Memory Match.
That's not it. There is something seriously eating these things like pop tarts. And it's not just mine. Now Sock Monster is eating the girl's socks too! So if you see me at an event or cruising down the street PLEASE don't mention that my socks don't match. I KNOW, but I'm running out of socks!

Friday, October 12, 2012

Now We're Cooking With Rice

She doesn't know this yet, but I found the cup. See, I have this gucci rice cooker. I LOVE it. Not that it's hard to make rice, but this thing does it all for you...IF you have THE cup.

Recently we lost the cup. And I felt like I was on Survivor trying to make rice in the bush.  I guess you could say it was like a box of never know whatchur gonna get. Fluffy, soupy, sticky??  And this is IN THE CITY!

This is when you know you love someone. The rice cup went missing and I was upset...about the cup going missing. Now, signs were pointing in the direction of the girl recycling the plastic cup (gasp)...she herself suggested it...but I refused to buy it. I would not be mad at her; it couldn't possibly be her fault.

True, it was absolutely possible, plausible, passable, she may have recycled THE cup. But I said, that just doesn't make sense! Not that she is messy or lazy, unable to clean up a cup. In fact, it's the complete opposite, she did clean up that's how we came to this insane conclusion.

And not that she is some type of crazy A&E Hoarder, but she doesn't readily throw perfectly good items away. This was a hard plastic cup. She said, maybe? Yes, it's nondescript, but I don't think she appreciated how sturdy it is. You wait, when she touches it she's going to say, You thought I threw THIS away?!?

NO, I didn't. This girl doesn't throw her little plastic pudding cups away, her yogurt containers, her beer I haven't figured out what she does with the bread ties but that's a separate blog posting entirely.  ...unless she has a barnyard of chicks running around...?? (I don't expect you to get that, it's okay; she should, hi baby ;) )...

And then it was back. And all is right with the world. My girl is still my girl. And I can make her yummy rice in 5 minutes. Rice, water, cook, eat.

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Two Year Service On a Two Week Phone

Gore-Tex by definition is unaffected by water. It is backed by price. A 'windbreaker' jacket that runs into the $200 range must have super powers hence the hefty price tag. Those powers I believed to be Gore-Tex.

I. Was. Wrong. As the clouds darkened and moved closer, I raced to beat them home. I think I just might make it. I took a couple photos of the scary storm approaching as I dropped into the park by my house. I'd show you now, except that those photos became 'locked' in my phone after the above mentioned super powers FAILED.
Had I trusted my indestructible Timbuk2 bag all would have been well and dry. But NO, I went with Gore-Tex; it sounded meaner, badder, mad as a hatter! And my phone was DRENCHED in my Gore-Tex pocket, I guess, it stopped working immediately even though there was no visible water damage.
I gave it a week. Then two. See, I was convinced it didn't actually get wet since it was protected by Gore-Tex. Nothing in my bag even got wet...not one single dollar bill. Yes, I was soaked; it wasn't a derecho, but perhaps an ochocho (an 8 in the scheme of rain storms)...I'm glad for my helmet, let's say that.
Finally I broke down and got a new phone. I hated it. All of it. I didn't want a new phone. I wanted my old phone to work. Then I got slapped with this cost and that. I was charged an 'upgrade' fee and have yet to figure out how to access those 'upgrades'.
They gave me 14 days to return it. Two weeks. Fair enough, that's what I gave my old phone. The camera sucked. The resolution sucked. The camera features--sucked. The keyboard too small. The text messages small. The way the camera saves messages stupid! BUT, right around day 13 I conceded that the phone itself was pretty good. I could hear the person on the other end...and since my NEW business phone sounds awful as a phone I took this as a 'keeper'.
On the 14th day my phone DIED. Or rather, I guess, went deaf. I could no longer hear that crisp, clear caller on the other end. I called the store where I got the phone. Clearly, I had to borrow a phone. They told me to bring it in tomorrow for a brand new phone, which I did. And I got the runaround. No Phone.
I'll cut this short and just say I paid over $100 bucks for a phone that broke in two weeks. I wasn't allowed to get a new one because apparently phones at Verizon are only guaranteed for 13 days, unlucky 13.  My Timbuk2 Bag has a lifetime guarantee. My Gore-Tex jacket 100% Satisfaction Guaranteed from REI where I bought it. Verizon...somewhere in the vicinity of 2%.
I bet I could return that jacket for a new one stating my phone died in the pocket. I bought it about 5 years ago I think. That's over 1,825 days, 20 seasons, derecho, blizzard, perfectly sunny day. What I got at Verizon is the runaround, a week without phone service, miles on my car, a standoff on the phone, and eventually a brand new USED, REFURBISHED, POS. Awesome. And don't forget that upgrade I'll see on my next bill.