Friday, November 30, 2012

Up In Smoke

Let there be no mistake, I am bored in the country. I complain about the incredible lack of things to do. The limit of culture and art. It's just not like the city.

Take today for example. My country mouse was in town for some very important training after which we were under the gun, so to speak, to get our butts downtown for some very important 'art'.

Forgive me, I stand corrected. Turns out the city, too, bores me quite a bit. A limitless amount of culture and art, apparently, is not always a good thing. Today, a Chinese 'artist' blew up a tree. And called it art. I call it FAIL. To quote Deana Carter, "I shaved my legs for this?"
I expected pyrotechnics, like the sign said. I expected mind bending, tree altering effects like the diagram indicated. I expected lights and wows and cool. It's not at all what I expected. It was beyond the complete opposite. It was what they call in the fireworks biz: A DUD.

It sounded like a ancient gun fight with the smoke of one to boot. But when the smoke cleared, the tree stood unaffected and the crowd dispersed, scratching a collective head going, huh? The guy next to us turned and said, Is this Art?!
Well, it's in front of the art museum; that's the closest it's gonna get to art in this town. The smoke artist said he hoped the smoke would look like a virtual tree. O...kaaay.... It was some kind of protest about lighting Christmas trees. Protest, YES!, now you're in the right neighborhood.
Art, maybe not so much, and the Chinese, maybe not as big a threat as once thought.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012


My neighbors have five vehicles lining the street. I can't talk, I've got 8, but they all fit in the Barn and roll on two wheels. I guess it depends how you define vehicle.

Theirs have motors, barely. And ironically they got three bills when they finally sold one today. I don't have one bike less than that! But three hundred is better than no hundred so you take the money and run.

Sounds like fun. I want three bills! I asked my ebayin' neighbor about selling unwanted items. He gave me a name. So today my neighbors sold a big hunkin' car and I sold two tiny round pieces of hollow metal for the same price. Party on Kerwin.

He said, "you sure didn't waste any time dropping those rings." Depends on how you look at it. I've been sitting on them for a decade. Not because I have any emotional ties to them. I just didn't know what to do with them. She wanted to chuck them over the side of a cliff. I didn't even have that much attachment.

Having done both...I'd rather have love over a ring any day. And it'd be a lot more fun to drive the neighbor's car over the side of a cliff anyway. Today I am a much richer girl.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Glad We Got That Straight

Awesome. I'm allowed to marry the love of my life. Thanks for that Maryland. Seriously, it was a much closer vote than I anticipated and a bit of a slap in the face.

I'm sorry, I just don't get it. I mean I hear those arguments for families or some nonsense. Sanctity of marriage? Nonsense.

Let's start with protecting our families. Whose families are we talking exactly? You know gay families exist with or without the legalese of 'marriage' right? It's a shame you don't want those kids to have the same rights as the others.
Next, that holy thing. Yeah, today's marriages are really sanct. Tom Cruise. Liz. Britney. Do I need to say anything more? How about 55 hours. People get married for all kinds of crazy reasons today; god forbid we should let folks marry for ever lasting true love.
And why do so many people care anyway? I tried the traditional unionization. It failed at I do. And I don't remember anyone coming to the door trying to help. No one cared. No one tried to fix anything. Where were those Sanction Police then?
In fact why is divorce legal if that's the argument. Divorce is bad for children. It's clearly destroying families. Surely it is a blow to the sanctity of marriage, no? And it's been around since the turn of last century.
No matter. We won. We won the ridiculous fight to be considered human. Here. We won here. We still don't exist at a federal level. Or in the next state. We are still separate and unequal. But we can say we're married. Well, next year we can.
And really that's all that matters. I love her. She loves me. If God has a problem with it I'm sure He'll let us know. You can keep your comments to yourself. Unless they contain, "you can kiss the bride".

Friday, November 2, 2012

Clean Up on Aisle 3

I just discovered something more annoying than talking on the phone behind the wheel...talking on the phone behind the cart. OMA.

In fact, I'm heavily weighing the consequences associated with starvation in an attempt to never need to go to the Giant again. I'm not entirely sure when it happened, but today I became THAT person.
The one who knocks things down and doesn't pick them up. I didn't mean to do it and ordinarily I would have cleaned up my mess, but I'm sorry, I just couldn't. For the sake of sanity, humanity...I just kept walking. Oh, other people looked at me, I. Did. Not. Care.
As if the customers weren't bad enough. Let's talk about how Giant squeezed the aisles together and made less room. Let's consult exhibit A. Down at the end of the aisle you can see an employee stocking shelves. At the busiest time of the day. And there are cases of stock blocking the right 'lane'. No matter, because closer in the foreground you can see the promotional display ALSO blocking the right lane. Repeatedly. Really? Tsk. Tsk.
And then comes the dreaded checkout lane. Duhn Duhn Duhn. I thought I picked the shortest lane. Tricked again. Food Stamps! Here's where I struggle to suppress my closeted inner Republican. Now I've got nothing against government assistance, or at least I try to withhold judgement, but here's when it gets hard. I just need not be subjected to it...the purchases on the end of the belt, the fact that they are buying cut flowers or didn't bring their own bags...the list goes on.
I say let's give them their own lane. It's for everyone's own good. Take one of those 12 or Under (when did it become 12?) Items Lanes and turn it into a Government Assisted item limitation. I'm not suggesting 'separate but equal'--okay, maybe I am, but is that so wrong?
I'd settle for a One Transaction Per Customer Lane if you think singling out the Food Stampers is somehow an infringement on their rights.