Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Ballasted Light

Have you ever purchased a cheap shop light at say Home Depot? You know, long, white, cheap, fluorescent? Have you ever had to rewire one out of the box because whoever put it together couldn't follow the picture printed on the outside of the ballast?

Actually I know you have...why else would they include the picture of the wiring on the actual light itself? Also maybe why there is shelf after shelf of ballast replacements in aisle 10.

It goes without saying I HATE fluorescent lighting. I am to fluorescent lights as Mommie Dearest is to wire hangers. I'm just saying...

But what I hate even more than working fluorescents is not working fluorescents, which my dear love recently had in the kitchen. It's one thing to feel your way around a dark hallway, an unacceptable other to grope wildly amongst knives and hot plates.

So against my better judgement I not only took on the task of removing the flickering taunting non-light source, but I set out to replace it.  THIS was an adventure all unto itself...and I came home with...wait for it....yes, a cheaper fluorescent replacement.

One would think a country lesbian might have herself a cache of power tools, but one would be wrong. She likes to tease my electric chainsaw, although she herself has none. Then there was the drill that wasn't charged and the other that had a cord as long as my pinky.

So there I was in the kitchen, balancing a light on my head, standing on a ladder, sweating, attempting to 'guess' what straight was (haha, hold your snide remarks to yourself) winding  up the equivalent to a Model T. And the whole time all I could think was, I hope that blue wire is attached to the right doohickey.

And lo and behold once I managed to get the new light hung I threw the switch....and NOTHING happened. Not even a flicker. Back up on the ladder with my manual screwdriver, twist, twist, twist. Put the old light back up, throw the switch...NOTHING. What the??!!?? White wire white wire. Black wire black wire. It's not organic chemistry.

The girl saunters over and says, you have to use the 'other' switch. The WHA??? 

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Tangled Web We We've

Yes, yes, dear Doctor that is precisely what it means. Country internet is spotty at best. City internet as you can see screen left not always a good substitute.

I have indeed neglected this personal blog. You see, I look up at the title and see something about bike riding and I think, "mmm? what is that exactly?" I've got nothing.

But then again, I look down at that last posting and see that WWII death fan and think, I'm sick of looking at that thing. And yes, I take pictures, have a witty story, but alas no working interweb! The boy online is looking for updates. The girl in person mentions my dry spell...I'm getting it from all sides I tell you.

So let's talk about the web. At home it's fast, quicker than a Bieber tweet. Did you hear he got sick on stage? I haven't seen it, I also don't get news anymore. Life is hard in the country for a lost city girl.

Anyway, internet, at home. Challenging, let's say that. See there's this needy cat and she likes to lay on my hand as I type. She's not here now or you'd see something that looks like:
````````````````````````````````````````````````````` She also falls asleep sometimes on the upper left corner.

But then if you keep typing and she's on your hand she gets mad. Mean mad. She gets that look in her eye. You may have never seen it even if you have a cat, only the possessed ones have it. And then it's ON. Like she's gonna Donkey my Kong, wait, what?












n....screw it, I can't wait for this prehistoric connection to compute. The sad's 4G. It looks great in the stores and on teevee, but clearly objects are slower than they appear. Way to go Verizon, you've snookered us again! Maybe I could unleash the evil Parks on 'em?!