Ballasted Light

Have you ever purchased a cheap shop light at say Home Depot? You know, long, white, cheap, fluorescent? Have you ever had to rewire one out of the box because whoever put it together couldn't follow the picture printed on the outside of the ballast?

Actually I know you have...why else would they include the picture of the wiring on the actual light itself? Also maybe why there is shelf after shelf of ballast replacements in aisle 10.

It goes without saying I HATE fluorescent lighting. I am to fluorescent lights as Mommie Dearest is to wire hangers. I'm just saying...

But what I hate even more than working fluorescents is not working fluorescents, which my dear love recently had in the kitchen. It's one thing to feel your way around a dark hallway, an unacceptable other to grope wildly amongst knives and hot plates.

So against my better judgement I not only took on the task of removing the flickering taunting non-light source, but I set out to replace it.  THIS was an adventure all unto itself...and I came home with...wait for it....yes, a cheaper fluorescent replacement.

One would think a country lesbian might have herself a cache of power tools, but one would be wrong. She likes to tease my electric chainsaw, although she herself has none. Then there was the drill that wasn't charged and the other that had a cord as long as my pinky.

So there I was in the kitchen, balancing a light on my head, standing on a ladder, sweating, attempting to 'guess' what straight was (haha, hold your snide remarks to yourself) winding  up the equivalent to a Model T. And the whole time all I could think was, I hope that blue wire is attached to the right doohickey.

And lo and behold once I managed to get the new light hung I threw the switch....and NOTHING happened. Not even a flicker. Back up on the ladder with my manual screwdriver, twist, twist, twist. Put the old light back up, throw the switch...NOTHING. What the??!!?? White wire white wire. Black wire black wire. It's not organic chemistry.

The girl saunters over and says, you have to use the 'other' switch. The WHA???