Breaking News

Alert the presses, sound the alarm, smoke 'em if you got 'em.

There was a 5 mile back up this morning on the inner loop of the beltway. Of course it spilled onto the outer loop; have you just moved here?

In two more minutes it will stretch into Virginia...from the Connecticut Avenue exit. No upturned school bus, no sheared off beer rig. In fact, all six lanes were clear and clean (except for the sitting cars)

Sitting, prey tell? Indeed. Bottle necking at the gathering on the shoulder. I get their side, cop car, 20 people and a clipboard...slowing is smart. But our side? Really? Have you never seen a gaggle of Asians spilling out of a van before? I don't mean to sound racist, but you have heard of a Chinese fire drill?

There was no bent hood, no mangled axle, no bumper strewn across three lanes of traffic. Just your garden variety fender bender I suppose. There was no blood soaked stump beneath a white sheet.

Sorry for the visual....but really everyone was looking for it...HARD. Surely there must be a devastating reason for this devastating delay. It couldn't possibly be rubbernecking. From those very same people who say they never watch the news because they don't want to see that gore. For reals? YOU. ARE. LYING.

Here's a thought, do us all a favor, turn on your television. Go on, watch the local news. Tune in to see those horrible, gory accidents you say you don't want to see. Then when they happen in real life you can just keep driving instead of making everyone late for work. It's okay, you can tell everyone you were there when you watch it on the boob tube.