Batteries Not Included

I went to bed before the sun went down. 730 to be exact. And I slept, hard. I woke before the alarm, well rested.

It was 930. Seriously? I forced myself back to sleep. Again, I woke before the alarm.

1130. Grr. Arrg. Zzzz. Like RAAM I slept.

Again, this time something woke me. Crumpling paper. Am I having a seizure?? What’s with the paper? I’m not talking candy wrapper in Cold Case. I’m talking full on paper rustling. Like two cats attacking a makeshift paper recycling plant, say in someone’s dining room (not mine). This day shift is a killer.

Finally, 2am. It’s not even time to make the donuts. We don’t make news, why do we have to be there so early?? I mean the newspaper isn’t even here yet!

Will she or won’t she? Of course I rode. Like RAAM I rode. And me with my RAAM shoes on. Ain’t they purty?

Prada, Manolo, Jimmy Chew. Oh, I’m not that kind of girl. I like my shoes as much as the next girl, as long as they come with cleats underneath. Pearl izumi, Addias, Diadora…ooh ooh, I’m THAT kind of girl.

But Stella? McCartney? I know! Threatening my secret girl status; is it leaking out? You can’t see it can you?

But look at them! Not directly at them Woman! They might burn your retina. I mean really, who was she designing these for? Even in daylight I wouldn’t recommend staring, not without proper eyewear.

Can you see me now?? Two miles down the road I bet. And they almost match my bag! Score.