Dear John

I don't know, have I mentioned how amazing the country home is lately? No really, this might seem like sarcasm but I mean it.

Saturday afternoon tractor pulls. Need I say more? Yes? One dollar hot dogs. I know! It's a hot time in the cool city.

I am hesitant to note it here, but I am a sucker for small town country activities. A good watermelon festival, Plow Days...You know I love me some lumber jack competitions. Rodeos? Hell yeah. Monster trucks. You know it. So you can imagine the 'tractor pull' intrigued me.

So when do they start racing? There's racing right? How fast do they go? Where's the other racer? I don't understand. What exactly are you saying? There's NO racing? As in ZERO speed racing? Wait, why are they mashing down the loose mud? This is becoming extremely boring...

No fire? No burning? No overturning? No revving? No racing? No mud flying? They just sit on a lawn mower and pull some weight? This is the complete opposite of watching grass grow. Now that is a fun activity.

It's a tractor you say? No, that is a lawn mower. The thing mashing down the dirt, that is a tractor. Gosh, you think these country folk would at least know that.

I don't know, have you guys ever considered racing them? I mean some fast track action. Maybe a little healthy competition between tracpetitors. I can't help but noticing we are the only spectators. Maybe a couple Buds with the dollar dogs?

Really? They aren't going to race? Not even a little bit? Sheesh.