XX

It happens more times than you think. Sir, may I help you?

Have you seen the size of my bag? The shoes on my rack? I know the rack is small, but right now we’re talking shoes. (why do you boys always lose focus?)

Granted, they are soled with cleats and the bag laden with tools. But really? Perhaps it’s the hat? I hope.

Now I’m not saying that’s what happened today; I’m just saying it happens. I’ve never been denied bathroom access or anything.

Once I almost pretended to steal someone’s car just to prove a point. I had just returned from lesbian band camp and floored when some woman called ME sir. She laid down her keys and I eyed them like I’d swipe them. What is she going to say, “yes, officer, I got a good look at him.”

Today I went to CVS; I didn't need anything, just snooping the sales. It was truck day. The red totes a token of my past. Who knows, was I reminiscing, spacing, actually shopping? I paused in the feminine hygiene aisle for four and a half beats.

The tall bassy African sales associate, stopped and asked if I needed help. Help? From you? In the feminine hygiene aisle? Interesting.

Perhaps he thought I was a boy and had no business there? Or did he think I was about to stash an economy sized case of maxi pads beneath my fleece and make a run for it? Maybe he really just wanted to help.

It’s been my experience that XYs shy away from ‘woman stuff’. This one was all up in it. Had I not been so surprised I could have responded differently. As it was, I politely, but almost quizzically said, “I’m good, thanks”. Inside I was laughing out loud.

“May I help you?”

Yes, what do you recommend? Do you prefer wings or length? What about thickness, is it important?

OR

“May I help you?”

Uh yeah, I’d like to try these on; is there a changing room?