Tinsel Tune

Twas some night a’fore Christmas
When down every street
Not a motor was whirring
Just my pedalin’ feet

The tango of tiny twinkling lights. The purr of a finely lubed chain. The tickle of one overly flirtatious Jack Frost nibbling upon my ear. Forget the holiday romance, get Parson Brown TOUT de SUITE!

HOLD YOUR PRANCIN' REINDEER, RUDOLPH!!

A nip in the air? Wintry precip falling from above. Man's antithesis splashing 'round underneath! The hint of toxic salt kissing my lips, assaulting my mouth, mauling and molesting my precious frame. Cancel the flowers; Silence the bells! Call in Officer Krupke.

Oh, the weather outside was indeed frightful. But my ride was oh so delightful. I hate when it's wet when I go. Yo Shutt, can't it change o'er to snow?

Well deck the halls, great boughs of holly! This carolin' commuter is on a roll.

When all of a sudden

There arose such a clatter

An elf in a Crown Vic

Mad as a hatter

He never let on

As he passed by my side

I would learn soon enough

He hated my ride.

Nary a single bi-cycle would be found 'neath thou's boughs, of that I am sure. For upon laying a choice finger aside of his nose, the gas guzzling scrooge conveyed tidings of ill will as he drove out of sight. It did not at all resemble, "Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!"