What's Black and White and Read All Over?

There is something to be said about good old fashioned news...as in paper, newspaper.  Not to mention the handy little bag it comes in every morning, the challenging crossword, and various biased reports from around the globe masquerading as fair and balanced...but there is the newspaper itself.

You've heard the rumors.  Sterile....well, not exactly...but it does work great to clean windows, protect ice cream, insulate clothing, make paper hats.  WHAT ABOUT PAPER MACHE!?!?  Have you ever tried to make some indiscernible object out of an e-mag??  And what about that paste....what will our youth of tomorrow stick in their mouths and attempt to digest when we walk out of the room for two seconds?

It's not ALL good that we've thrown newspapers to the wayside.  Take last night for example.  I went out for a delightful dinner, stunning conversation, bouts of joy and laughter....unbeknownst to me outside it was pouring.  And I'm not saying it's a bad night when a date ends wet, but....it's better with protection, right?  And it wasn't that kind of date, if you know what I mean.

So I got wet.  Pants, shoes, bag...surprisingly NOT my hair, go figure.  But when you ride every day- wet anything is not good, especially in winter.  Enter the newspaper.  Perfect for stuffing wet shoes...alas, not a page of paper in the joint! 

In a pinch, I tried stuffing my mouse in there, but as you can imagine it didn't help.  Thank god for hairdryers.  And the seat....well, let's just say, it's good to have a spare.

Coming Clean

The truth is I'm stuck.  I've been stuck for a chocolate box of years now.  Gump was right, You Never Know Whatchur Gonna Git.

It's just like that.  I've been picking out sweet treats for the better part of a decade only to bite into them bitterly disappointed and then toss them back into the box.  I've got a case of gnawed off desserts and a hunger for something more.

I guess the key is not to be fooled by the chocolate covered outside.  It's what's on the inside that matters. It all looks so good on the exterior but the surprise inside...you know what I'm saying.  We've all confidently chewed into that little square delight only to find strawberry coconut nougat when we really wanted caramel. 

Take fruit cake.  Who really likes these things?  It's the season of giving, however. Giftee Beware. You take all your rotten cores and disguise them with  fluffy white cake hoping no one will notice.  The problem with tiny chocolates is A) they are irresistible and B) you can't slice them open to find what you have before committing.

Fair enough.  Since it's always about the bike....I'll keep my single speed thank you very much.  I have one gear, it always works, I know what I'm going to have to put in, and I know what I'm going to get out.  You can keep your 21 speed where certain combinations don't work, a sliver of crumpled leaf can throw a chain, and the constant upkeep is overly demanding.  That relationship is too high maintenance  for me.

Simple is as simple does.   I don't want gears I don't really need.  You might have to work harder but there's no need carrying around excessive baggage for a one or two time use.  I'm ready to get unstuck; it's time to pull that stick out of my spokes and really get moving!  Besides, spoke cards work much better than wood...even with a bamboo frame.

Merry Crossing

What flies through the air, is puffy and round, and red all over?  Mustn't be Santa.  But it might be a distracted holiday shopper flying through town in a red mini cooper.  WATCH OUT!

Have you ever been driving down the street and seen a pedestrian on the side of the road standing in or around a clearly marked crosswalk?  And you know the law is to stop, but you hesitate, thinking, if you wave this person on and the other speeding traffic doesn't stop....well, indirectly you may be responsible for killing some poor schmo?

Yeah, my day was like that. There I was at the newly designed intersection, you know the one, over on Little Falls.  Zig-zag trail, paint, signs, sign....to make the passage safer. And there I was obeying the law like all the drivers want...waiting my turn, in the crosswalk, stopping in the center...

You know this intersection right?  The trail is five inches from the red light.  And yet cars manage to careen around that 90 degree turn and accelerate into 45 mph neglecting the speed signs, trail signs, pedestrian and bike signs, and striped crosswalk.  Clearly it's the bikes causing the problems.

Like when I stopped in the center face to face with a black SUV.  Who stopped.  And waved me on.  Into the intersection.  Onto my death.  See, I didn't trust the teeny red car I saw duck behind the SUV so I hesitated at this front passenger bumper...

I had a front row view to what death looks like right before it  hits.  And all I could do was stare at both bumpers.  I wanted to see the driver's face.  I wanted to turn around to see the horror in the SUV's face.  But all I saw was my front wheel and two steel bumpers.  I missed the whole thing. 

I guess I had to.  Since I was already paused in my track stand waiting for it to happen there wasn't much to do except, well, actually turn my wheel to avoid the collision.  Yep, it was that close. She hit the crosswalk at a good clip, caught sight of me, panicked, and slammed on the brakes.  There was a momentary loss of control as her car skidded even closer and then the hands that flew up as a sort of surrender...like, "I know that was my fault I'm so so sorry"

It was a bit like my dream.  The one where I die.  Since I've had that dream I've had two of these unbelievable close calls.  The first the pedestrians on the sidewalk screeched in horror and I'm sure this one brought on adrenaline rushes across the street.  Neither one did a thing to me.  No, that was close, no heavy breath, no missed heart beats.  Just, ho hum, here we go again...

Paint that's Red
Almost dead
Crosswalk White
Fight or Flight
Wasn't Santa, Wasn't Santa

BOO!

I take back what I said about cameras.  If I had had one mounted on my bars today I wouldn't have behaved any better and I might have had some good video.

Today was carfree day in DC and to that I say, Bring Back the Cars.  I am entirely safer swallowed by vehicular metal.  The sea of walking flesh another story entirely.

Let's cut past the chase (and the boats, right? they should really be more specific when labeling an event 'car'free).  Today, I hit my first pedestrian.  WHAT!?!  Pedestrian.  Hit. My. What, you know he deserved it.  My ex says people can think for themselves.  She thinks intelligence still runs rampant.  I think it was phased out somewhere in the 90s.  And today I may have proved it. 

I know there's some law about pedestrians in crosswalks, but tell me you haven't wanted to hit one or two or ten.  And depending on how tight he was in his loafers I technically may have not even pinched his skin, but I most definitely scuffed his fancy footwear. 

Yes, he was in the crosswalk, I think we established that, but I had the green light.  There were tons of them crossing against the light.  You know you hate it.  I hate it more. Howard students, these are even the brighter ones.  Maybe not so much.  HUH?  Ex-act-ly.

I scooted behind him and at the last second he picked his head up out of his hand.  Of course he was texting.  And not looking.  And walking.  In traffic.  Just like our mothers taught us.  And in an effort to prove my ex decidedly wrong, he then 'decided' to change directions and step back INTO me.  Would now be a good time to point out the phones are smart, the owners, not so much.

I slammed on the brake and wiped half my tire across 7th Street.  I kept the bike upright, barely, as the offender quietly backed up on the sidewalk, where his fellow co-eds were laughing.  At me or him?  Who knows, but I hope the treads I left on his shoe remind him to look up every now and again. It's the Hamburger Generation.

Gary Gnu Would Have Done It

What a long and interesting day. It begs an answer to the question: if the earth shakes while you are riding a bamboo frame, would you even feel it? And sadly, I may never know.

I was picking mail up off the floor when it started. It sounded like an attic fan rumbling to a start. I didn't feel a thing. I heard someone saying, "what was that?!?" as I walked around the corner to find my boss straddling the door jamb mumbling something about an earthquake. I heard it in stereo as someone else echoed the sentiment.

And then I definitely felt it as things around me fell to the floor. I still didn't feel the urge to bum rush the doorway, but it seemed important so I did. I would have rather been outside. But I'm afraid I would have missed the whole thing.

What was my very first comment? Really? You have to ask? Something about a night of suck I'm sure. I wonder what it's like to have something like this affect you and just think about YOU. Instead of, I have to get to work, or oh god, I'll be stuck in audio all night, or guess I'm having pizza for dinner....

I have to admit approaching the station and finding a congregation on the curb did make me slightly pause before driving up to the garage door to gain entry. Did I really want to drive into an underground parking garage when the majority of Wisconsin Avenue was standing outside and a 5.8 earthquake just rumbled up the east coast 15 minutes ago? Is this really wise? Necessary, maybe not wise.

I'm finally home, after 7 full hours of news. And I use that term generously. The finials were still damaged at 11:42pm, no new news there. My neighbor described the scene like this: I thought I was having a seizure. Then I looked around and realized everything was having a seizure, it wasn't me.

Parker is fine. Glad to have me home. The earthquake damage is minimal. Not unlike the white chairs on the internet. You see that stick lying on the ground in the picture above? Bottom right. It used to be on the 1x4 above the fireplace. It fell down. That is my earthquake disaster. It might not make the news.

And thank you #Washcycle for finally posting the CaBi map I've been trying to see that all night! No one thought it was a big enough story. That also didn't make the news. Even after 7 hours! I personally think it should have.

Smells Like Lemon

There I was in the backyard just trying to clean my bike, armed with nothin' but a rag and a toothbrush, when it hit me. I mean really hit me. That's right, my chain exploded!

Okay, okay, it came unlinked, she said, as if it were a delicate bracelet with a tricky clasp. It was the chain of a bicycle. I'm just saying.

The unyielding force between you and successfully changing that rear tire yourself. The lifeline between pedals and wheel. The mechanical beast that withstands the constant beating of street and feet...

And I singlehandedly disarmed it with....a soft bristled toothbrush? Have you tried removing a chain? I mean it's not difficult but it does require a specialized tool.

Some shops will add a special link just to forego using a chain tool. But even they, are hard to remove. I am less than successful with the removal of a Quick Link, even after watching the e-How video.

Turns out I was using the wrong tool. It's not Park or Craftsman or even Black and Decker. Oral-B soft. Dentist approved.

I wonder if it works on hubs? Because mine currently feels like someone dumped a box of Grape Nuts in it. Crunchy hub, dismembered chain, loose spoke....maybe it's time for a new mechanic? Then again, this from a girl who cleans her bike with Pledge.

Snap, Splinter, Pop?

Well, I almost found out the answer to that question. What happens to Urbamboo when crossed with traffic? Well I'm still in one piece, but the trail is looking better every day.

I was sitting at a red light, ironically right in front of the hospital, which could have come in handy. There was a truck sitting also at the red light...or rather green light as his case may be. I watched him because it was curious. Everyone knows green means GO.

But he sat. With his eyes in his lap and his hands fumbling somewhere between. I'm sure he was looking for something, not something more inappropriately crude. None the less HE had the green. But HE was distracted.

When the light turned red (for him), green (for me) I hesitated, waiting for his eyes. Without eye contact you can never be sure what a driver is going to do. Sometimes you still can't.

I had a front row view of his eyes, up close and personal-like. They popped right out of his head as his left front bumper skimmed my personal bubble. In other words: thanks for that!

There he sat, waiting for the red light. Then, and only then, he decided to turn on red, phone in hand, eyes in lap. YES indeedy, he started operating his vehicle without ever looking up. That is UNTIL he was nose in to the intersection...where I sat track stood waiting for him to hit me.

We locked eyes, he stopped and let me go, and gave me an expression that did not really say, I'm so sorry or damn, that was close but rather more of a casual, oops my bad.

Grab Some Wood There Bub

My baby rode in her very first parade today. Almost no one cared. Almost. Today I got stopped. It was the first time ever.

"Excuse me. Are you IN the parade?"

Well, let's see. The parade is on Constitution Avenue. And I am on Constitution Avenue. I'd say YES, yes I AM in the parade! Whatdya know.

I'm riding a wooden bicycle in a green shirt, what do you think? What do you need, a pot of gold and a leprechaun? Of course I'm in the parade, Bub.

'Beannachtam na Feile Padraig!'

Don't Call Me Al

Up until now I have ridden aluminum, aluminum, and mostly aluminum. From here on out, I will never ride aluminum again. Not really.

But really, save the aluminum for the cans. I know, I know, they make planes out of aluminum, but really how much ground do they cover?

I've heard this time and again, "but aluminum is a terribly, uncomfortable ride." No, I love it! Ignorance is bliss...and CHEAP.

I was skeptical about the bamboo. Really, that woody weed I always see draped across the trail after a storm? You're gonna make a sturdy bike frame from that? The breakfast of panda champions? Awwright....

But it's a head turner right? I mean how many have you seen weaving through traffic? So I gave it a test ride. And I pulled up to the light, yeah, I'm gonna stop at every single one now, maybe even green ones...just so you can get a good look at it!

So I pull up to the light and I look around to see who's checking me out. There to my right, well, she's overly distracted in applying another coat of heavy mascara.

Next to her, a lady in uber-black sunglasses; she might actually be blind. Which would explain why she almost hit me. And although I am curious what will happen to the bamboo in an accident, I'm not overly interested in finding out first hand.

Oh forget it, when it comes down to it, it's not how it looks, let me tell you about how this bike FEELS... Like I'm riding on tank tires, that's how it feels. I don't feel the road much at all!

NOW I know what everyone is talking about with aluminum frames...yuck. Don't worry, I'm still gonna ride the other 18 bikes I own, but you really can judge a bike by it's cover.