Cyclone

Toppled like a robust tractor in the path of an angry tornado. Flattened like a defensive tree at the sight of a funnel cloud. Laid out like the famous fainting goats.

Someone let the air out of my bicycle. No, not my tire, but my actual bicycle. Oh I feel you honey, but that's just a garden variety T storm. Stand tall Steel Trooper.

I was just doodooing along in my automobile, humming a tune, singing a song when schwhooschwooschwoo...

Weird, they should cut back those trees...they are entirely too close to my schwoobeeschwoobeedoo....OH MY, that's not right.

Sure enough my bicycle (okay an old shitty donated one) was perpendicular to my vehicular. As in the down tube was indeed DOWN, the shifters, SHIFTED, the brakes, BROKEN. The driver, YIKES!

It was old. She was tired. But please, please don't lay down on my roof!

Eye Should Have Been Biking

But it was too hot to go outside.

A Dear Tale

Amazing Day: Take Two

I laid down upon a wood planked walk. My feet propped upon the stilts of the house, book in hand, sun in eyes. When all of a sudden there arose such a clatter (for real!) and a red haired pooch came barreling by my head.

Engrossed in my book I didn't budge and expected its owner to poke her head around the corner any second. But she never materialized and I could feel the beast just beyond my reach. I tilted my head backwards to glance upside down at....not a puppy at all but a small deer on the beach!

Oh yes I did!

We froze staring at each other completely frightened by the other. Out of the corner of my eye I could barely see planks and realized just how close I had come to having my lights hoofed out!

I panicked some more wondering, if after deciding to flee, this thing would finish me off. I slowly righted myself and stared him eye to fuzzy antler just before he took off across the tiny beach. Into the next property and next and bounded off right there through the bay water!

Wow. Recue the sunset.

Good To Be Home

What an amazing day! And good to be back on the bike. I know I shouldn't be alone, but what can you do?

And for all the girl cards I've pulled on a downed log or three, there isn't a rock on a trail that can put the scare on me!

I take them at breakneck speeds heels nicking at trailside weeds. I launch off of boulders think not of my shoulders just of my wants and needs.

But let's talk about that sunset! OMG. It was gorgeous. I was thinking of someone special as if they were sitting right there with me overlooking the city as that bright orange globe sunk into the valley.

What was left was an almost full moon, beautiful and bright, nestled in the glow of a leftover pink sky.

I think I'm in love. Oh, it was a good day.

Lost

This is a story from the road. I was reminded of it upon my return when I got lost, here, wherever that is.

Coming into Pagosa Springs we rolled up on an accident. It was all of a sudden and shocking. I don't think we processed what we were seeing.

I mean, I know it was an RV, and it was crunched. But really all I saw was RACE COVERAGE.

The journalist in me took over, but a second too late. Who, What, How? We became a team of bowed heads. No one was praying or soul searching...they were surfing, sole surfing.

Some tapped on computers, some pulled on ipads, most cradled iphones. All came up empty. The information highway, here tucked between the mountains, was not as fast as the highway of life.

I am a tech, but not a techie. I went inside the gas station and asked. Whahahappened? RV ax, 06:00, 8 injured, non serious.

I reported back to my crew. "How do you know that?"

I asked. A human! Imagine.

Day Seventh Heaven

6 Days 5 Hours 21 Minutes.

Really? It seems so much longer. And shorter. 3000 miles later I became a different person.

I may not be able to remove myself from a past box, but I can certainly fashion myself a new one. I do not need to hide in it. I do not need to stand upon it. I could have used it to see over the steering wheel, however.

I was able to see things from a different view...yes, even there in the teensy Arvee kitchen. A much broader, less isolating view. I am ready to let go. I am ready to move on.

The June gloom is lifting, and the country looks pretty damn awesome.

Day eighty Six the Bitch

[FLOAT: left] Definitely: Align Photo LEFT.

This was a puppy we saw in Tuba City. It was sad. And alone. And hungry. Everyone said, awww.

In Blanchester Ohio it was blue and orange and blonde all over. And looked a lot like Janna. She was scared. And alone. And phoneless. Everyone said, whoooo?

"I was checking the leaderboard" Oh, it's cool, but if she ever turns up missing: WE HAVE HER HERE! "Well, you should put someone in charge when you're not in the RV..." I DID, YOU LEFT HER BEHIND!!!

Why exactly are we taking a head count if we aren't counting actual heads? We are All Wheels 4 Fibromyalgia, nobody ever called us Marines. Besides it's no child left behind; once you're an adult you are apparently oYo. Pedal fast!

Priceless. The look on the shuttle crew's face when Janna rolled up next to us and poked her flushed cheeks out some stranger's car. Flashbacks of Romper Room. I see blue. I see orange. Why do I see Janna??

Can I come in? Should I go to the RV? HELLS NO! They are the ones that left you behind. We'll take you! Get in! Don't tell Karl.

oYo....On Your Own.

Day Five Hour Energy

10 MILES OUT!
Pasta!
Meat!
Veggies!
Nuts?
Sure!
If it's edible, throw it in the bowl! Stir, heat, serve.
3 MILES OUT!

I don't take orders. I don't make substitutions (unless you are a rider). I don't serve you. I cook, clean, repeat. NO SOUP FOR YOU!

I took a trip across the country and all I got was this limited view. see above. I heard about tarantulas. Sunsets. Beautiful mountains. Sand dunes. I saw a stove, sink, and pans.

And pasta. Lots of pasta. And water bottles. One more water bottle ends up in MY sink and someone is going to eat plastic for dinner!

Mmm...Y I think you've outdone yourself this time, what do you call this? Pastic du Journey. It's a little tough when it's cold.

Once I ran out of meat and tried cutting up my thumb for protein. Instant red sauce. Just add jalapenos. Owie.

Don't knock ham in a can until you've tried it. NO it's NOT Spam!

Day Four Caution

Okay, let's recap. One broken hand. One blocked intestine. One hell of a hematoma the size of my noggin. Batman needs his rabies shot today.

And we've got a rider who can't ingest anything except air. She is crossing the Rockies on nothing but saliva. And still smoking the competition.

Watching a team fall into the pits of sleep deprivation is an amazing thing. The simplest tasks become impossible challenges. Sentences contain questionable English. Skills become weak. Drowsiness abounds. Your own words sound distant and foreign.

Now, go balance yourself on an 8 lb carbon bicycle. Perch yourself behind the wheel of a closely following automobile. Fire up the engine on that massive Arvee. These are not the ideal pastimes of a sleepy individual.

Hell, all I did was ungracefully dismount the bed and I wound up with the dark side of the moon on my ass! All I'm saying is shit happens.

Take the RV we saw entering into Pagosa Springs. Crumpled side, crushed front, living room furniture on the highway like they stopped for a picnic. It's true. Scary reminder. No serious injuries but inevitably DNF.

This ain't no cross country tour!

Day Three's Company

Five's a crowd. I mean how many fingers do you need, really?

I didn't take the call. I heard she. And splint. Supplies. On the flats? Denise went down on the flats? A splint? Around handlebars?

Our McGyvers flew into action. Foam handlebar tape? Q-tips? Tampon applicator? I was willing to spare my precious supply. In the end we settled on emory board.

This was turning out to be quite the journey. And we were making gloves out of nothing at all. Out of nothing at all I tell you!

Turns out it wasn't a rider after all. And we were lucky. The track stands were more dangerous than originally presented. I guess that's why they call 'em break cables.

What does her jersey say: SAFETY??

Day Two Much Fun

It's the next hit reality series. I know I've blogged this before. Ten people in an RV, vote one out, make them ride...

I mean it really did feel like the Amazing Race. Change the directions to clues and you could have something.

But just it in itself is worthy of a season. Throw some cameras in Arvee and just watch 19 people coexist under extreme conditions for a week.

Surprisingly I'm not sure we'd have good ratings. We got along entirely too well. There will be the issues at the end, the injuries along the way, those unchosen few left behind...

We laughed, we cried, we spooned. See who did what to whom when. Tune in to see how we manuevered our way out of an issued penalty. FYI: There is crying in RAAM.

Kate Plus Eighteen....check your local listings.

My lucky stars, looky what I found at the end of the rainbow! A heart of gold.

Day One Man Down

Just because I escaped Oceanside unscathed does not mean all is well on the mobile home front. Even before the race officially started AW4F was in the sick of it.

Somewhere east on 78 the photographer was tossing cookies. And the germophobes were spinning. And the crew chief was lying.

The poor guy was really sick. And I'll be honest no one was about to risk the race in the first hour. They wanted to kick him out right there in the desert. "Get him out of the RV!" they pleaded. "Put him in the car!" "He'll contaminate the riders!" "Quarantine him Quick!"

Let's calm down. We can't put him in the rider car, let's be rational. He's not contagious. Here's where I start to lie. My extensive medical background indicates he has merely eaten something that is not agreeing with him...we are all safe from meandering germs. But wash your hands. Often. With bleach.

I take one look at him. His gaunt face. The inset eyes. The black circles. This dude is SICK! No one wants him around. He paces the RV. He lays here, there, and everywhere. We are in trouble. Even if he isn't contagious I have a serious scare on my hands and I need to deal with it.

Arizona! This is the answer. He has family in AZ. Speedrace them to Blythe I don't think we can wait one more TS. The first team in gets no rest, voices concern, doesn't want to touch anything.

We don't have enough bungees to affix them all to the outside of Arvee. Nor could they withstand the desert heat. I have visions of National Lampoons RAAM Vacation.

Now I missed the actual departure due to leaving in the follow vehicle in Blythe, but I heard the tale. Poor guy, his family didn't make it in time and we had to skedaddle.

Now I don't mean to make light of a serious situation, but I'm quite certain if the shopping cart were turned and the photographer weren't sick we'd have one or two or twenty four pictures of the event.

So there goes AW4F racing away on Highway 10. The photographer deserted in the darkened, empty parking lot of Albertsons. His gear and possessions shoved in a shopping cart like a bum on a street corner.

He really was sick. And I wish we could have done more. But getting him out was a blessing. He ended up in the hospital all week with a blocked intestine. Avoided surgery and is recovering nicely.

And then there were 19.

Broadcast Log Blog

FLASH. It's a source on my switcher. A source I used to know about. That was back when people ran master control. Now it's any robutt's guess.

Theoretically you can punch this up and the weather guy can create his own special report. He has a camera, microphone, lights, foxtrotting switcher!

Surely this is a union violation? Funny, at the end of the day they still need YOU to punch it up in Automation Control.

Surely there is some violation in taking an unknown source to air without confirming it actually works first? No? Really? Just take it? Live? On the air? To test it? OH, it just works. And you know that how?

Okay, that's my two and a half sense. I can see the camera, but I cannot check the audio. No worries. Put it on the air! News FLASH: It doesn't work. Thanks for that!

Let's make a list

• FLASH cam has no audio
• Technically, scary weather has already passed
• Phones ring off the hook with, "I want to speak with your supervisor"
• And "We don't care, give us Tiger!"
• While in special report MC has no way of audibly monitoring Network
• Half way through, automation lives up to its name
• Meaning on air picture changes even though no one asked it to
• And there's no way to punch back to a source you technically never left!

And then my boss calls and wants to know if it was captioned! How 'bout this can you read this!?

Bike Porn

WHAT?!? The blog title is Bike Porn. What are you looking for here? Text? Copy? It's okay if you don't just read the articles. Look at the beautiful frames. Caress them. Drool. I did.

Vintage Schwinn with Campy components. Campy and Schwinn...my how the world has changed. What are we coming to?

John Yo!

Thanks for the laugh; they're actually CLOSED.

Air Conditional

This is what AC looks like at a small non-profit. Really, that's an air conditioner, I think. I used it as a fan pedestal.

You have to be careful with blowing, moving air, however. Especially when counting money. Craig says I should make it a game and let it blow around the room and see how much I can grab. Can I use what I grab to buy a real air conditioner?

Why is it 'air' is a problem at both of my jobs?!?